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Category: Tough Love Page 1 of 3
3 Reasons I’m Thankful My Parents Raised Me With Tough Love
I have one standout memory from my childhood: I was a toddler, and I kept reaching for a cookie sheet that had just come out of the oven. I knew it was hot, but I guess I was curious to find out exactly how hot. (Kids are so weird.)
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3 Reasons I’m Thankful My Parents Raised Me With Tough Love
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My dad, sick of me not listening to my mom’s warnings, finally said, “Go ahead, touch it.”
As you might imagine, I burned my fingers on contact and began scream-crying with swollen hands. But hey, you can bet that I never tried to touch a hot pan again.
To this day, I’m still determining whether that was an example of cruelty or tough love, but I did learn my lesson. Fast forward to me today, at 24 years old (my fingers are fine by the way), and I honestly couldn’t be prouder of who and where I am at this semi-early stage in my life.
And I genuinely believe that my tough love upbringing played a role.
Beyond that one example, there were plenty more that followed, in which I had to learn to fall and pick myself back up and take responsibility for my mistakes.
I had to pay my own monthly cable bill at 11 years old with the money I earned from chores, I was forced to write essays after every wrongdoing, and I was grounded all the damn time.
But despite their harsh parenting style, which made it clear that we weren’t friends, my parents were also never too far away when I needed them most. I was disciplined, but very much loved.
They weren’t afraid to yell at me or put me in my place, but they also weren’t afraid to give me credit where it was due.
Straight As were always rewarded, for example, and they celebrated alongside me each year I made my high school’s cheerleading team.
Growing up as an only child also meant that I didn’t have a support system aside from my parents, but I honestly loved our family dynamic for what it was.
I took it as them being strict and unfair back then, but it’s become apparent as an adult that there was a method to their parenting style. Here are three ways I personally benefited from tough love:
1. I learned to be independent.
Authoritarian parenting is commonly known to produce children who easily conform and struggle to think for themselves. While my parents did set limits in every way — and rarely explained the rationale behind their rules — they gave me freedom wherever it would yield a potential learning opportunity (aka an “I told you so” moment).
Sure, go ahead and get your cartilage pierced at a sketchy shop in Berkeley that doesn’t card minors. My ears got infected. I often learned by consequence, which also forced me to figure sh*t out on my own.
I had to bail myself out and, as a result, it became second nature to make my own choices and rely on myself.
2. I grew thick skin.
Because Mum and Dad didn’t coddle me growing up, I was well equipped to handle difficult situations and people. I developed a f*ck you attitude — while still valuing respect and kindness.
I wasn’t angry at the world; I just knew how to navigate it early on. I learned to accept losses as a part of life, to sympathize with those who felt like they needed to be nasty to others, and to welcome hard work graciously. My parents drilled into my head all throughout my childhood that nothing would ever be handed to me.
3. I valued humility early on.
The only-child stereotype is typically associated with being spoiled, but because I had to earn everything I had, I was much more appreciative.
My parents raised me to be a confident woman but not without emphasizing the need to remain humble. I learned to value and celebrate success, but not flaunt it. And I think most importantly, I saw hardship as a means to build character.
Don’t get me wrong — I was not the perfect child. I was a brat at times and butted heads with my parents on a number of occasions. But the fact that they stood their ground and pushed firm parenting only benefited me in the long run.
Tough love works — but only in combination with genuine care and support.
I’m not exactly sure how they managed to figure out this formula, but kudos, Mum and Dad, you did good.
Parents you are still human and you have a life you want to live also.
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This family has VERY high standards — and it’s paid off!
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Liz, Jodi and Cydny join The Doctors to bring to light questionable practices at some institutions designed to “help” troubled teens. Is there any scientific backing that tough love programs work in changing teens’ behaviors?
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When young people today are unable to fullfill their goal, they experience an existential crisis. We are raising the trophy generation who believe failure should be avoided at all costs but that is not what life is about! When young people today are unable to fulfill their goal, they experience an existential crisis. We are raising the trophy generation who believe failure should be avoided at all costs but that is not what life is about! This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx
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What is TOUGH LOVE? What does TOUGH LOVE mean? TOUGH LOVE meaning – TOUGH LOVE definition – TOUGH LOVE explanation.
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Tough love is an expression used when someone treats another person harshly or sternly with the intent to help them in the long run.
In most uses, there must be some actual love or feeling of affection behind the harsh or stern treatment to be defined as tough love. For example, genuinely concerned parents refusing to support their drug-addicted child financially until he or she enters drug rehabilitation would be said to be practicing tough love.
“Tough love” boot camps for teenagers have been described as child abuse, and the National Institutes of Health noted that “get tough treatments do not work and there is some evidence that they may make the problem worse”.
There is evidence to suggest that what the British call tough love can be beneficial in the development of preferred character traits in children up to five years old. However, the British definition used by these researchers is more similar to the concept of “authoritative” parenting, whereas American ideas about tough love are closer to the notion of “authoritarian” parenting, which has been linked with negative outcomes in other research.
The phrase “tough love” itself is believed to have originated with Bill Milliken’s book of the same title.